(Based off of a textsfrombloodgulch post, haha. Also tagging this for basiacat because she threatened me that she would do rude things if I didn’t post it)

Chatter - [N.] A communication device like a phone that is attached to the wrist, referenced several times in Halo canon during Sadie’s storyline in Halo 3: ODST.

North checked his Chatter again - the thing had been pinging at him all night. First, South was asking if he’d like to come along to some college frat party in which, inevitably, she’d end up getting shitfaced and he’d have to quite literally carry her home, hoping that she hadn’t had sex with anyone that she’d regret having sex with later. After that, York - who knew that South had pinged him, and, similarly, knew that he had refused - invited him over to study for their Economy test that was in two days.

Knowing that “studying” with York meant going out to the local anywhere and everything and hitting on girls, North turned that one down too. Third interruption of the night came at around 7:00, two hours after his sister had disappeared into the haze of drugs, alcohol, and sex that was the local fraternity house. This time, it was C.T., wondering if he knew where Wash was. Declining knowledge (as it could earn him a kick in the shins one way or another from the fiery brunette), he politely asked her to stop yelling at him, since he was not responsible for Wash’s actions, and the guy was pretty straightedge anyway, so he probably had an emotional breakdown at the local tearoom, and so on. When she finally stopped pinging him, he turned his attention back to the party he was planning for Maine’s birthday, which was next week. 

After he was finished with that, he recieved a slew of drunk texts from his sister, who was still awake - which was a good thing, usually he had to go get her once she passed out - and started writing his research paper. 

It was around midnight, and North was dozing off, when suddenly - a loud ping interrupted his semi-awake daze.

Raising his wrist to his face, he could barely make out the words, “dude. I’m so drunk.”

It was from Wash. Tapping a few times on the screen, North replied, “wash, this is south’s brother” He wondered if Wash was at the same party as South. If so, they were both extremely shitfaced.

“I can’t wait to have my cock in your ass.” 

North’s eyes bulged as he sat straight up, suddenly fully awake. Gasping a little bit as he felt his face grow red, whether from embarrassment at the text or from embarrassment that the text was supposed to go to either his sister or C.T. - probably South, as she and North shared near-exact Chatter addresses.  Which was probably why C.T. was so paranoid - her and Wash certainly weren’t dating but she hated the thought of him boning anyone else. 

Shaking, he texted back, “wash, this is still south’s brother.”

There was no ping back. Suddenly in panic mode, North pulled on a jacket and ran outside, heading in the direction of the fraternity house. Pinging his sister, she answered, “that sticka in teh mud leaft hourz ago wit a ottel of vodak”

North found him on a park bench, slouched sideways protectively around the glass skeleton of an Absolut bottle, mumbling to himself. 

Wash looked up, then back down as North sat down next to him. 

“Dude, you are totally shitfaced,”

“Sssssouth you look - uhhhh - more muscular?” North winced in sympathetic embarrassment. “I’m North, Wash. You know me. We hang out and study? I’m not South. North. My name is North. I am a guy.” 

The message near the end was lost as Wash leaned over the bench and vomited on the grass in the college’s courtyard. North patted him on the back, then pulled him to his feet and managed to keep him from walking in his own puke.

“Please never threaten to have your cock in my ass ever again,” North said amicably, taking the bottle of vodka away from Wash and accompanying him back to his dorm room. Then he waited for Wash to change into pajamas, tucked him in, and waited until he was soundly snoring to leave, hoping Maine would be able to take care of his room mate’s horrific hangover in the morning.

All in a day’s work for North. Keeping eyes out for drunk college students everywhere. Speaking of which, his sister didn’t come home last night - oh shit.